THE BLOG IS BACK IN FULL SWING! I REPEAT, THE BLOG IS BACK IN FULL SWING.
For those that read the EPI-log every day, you may have noticed that I had been very very inactive posting no blog posts last week and only posting three the week before instead of the daily blogs we are all used to.
I deeply apologise. This author had a lot on his plate… I am very traumatised by the whole ordeal. Last Saturday was the first time I got to see EPIC Ipswich, moreover the outside world for 2 whole weeks. No, it was not covid, I may have wished it was.
On Saturday the 9th of December, I was at the store very late on account of the Double Masters Mega-Launch Party (read about that here), it was after midnight and the doors to EPIC Ipswich were shut. I hadn’t eaten much that day and so I purchased myself a chip packet to quell the rumbles – my stomach’s way of vocalising its frustration. The sound of the packets crinkles was a cacophony of music to my ears, and the smell of grease and the texture of salts beneath my fingers captured my attention at the moment. Then everything went black.
Previously that night, I had cut my finger on a box of Double Masters in my hurry to open it to get every Magic player their three packs for drafting. Blood and food are the perfect combination to alert EPIC’s local and permanent squatter, Fblthp, that it was feeding time. At least, that’s what I deduced when I found out why I was in a giant black room full of chipboard as I read the Benevolent Owners’ texts when they opened the store Monday and I hadn’t shown up to work. After playing back the camera’s to see why my car was still in the carpark, they saw Fblthp run with ferocious speed and consume myself and my chip packet in one enormous gulp.
For those asking – Fblthps stomach was like the TARDIS. It was way bigger on the inside. Think of a football stadium, that’s how much space I had to move around.
Yes it appeared he had eaten vast many other things: Chipboard, lengths of timber, nails, hair, dust bunnies (they’re not as pretty as one would think) and an entire Boeing 747 airplane.
It wasn’t until the next Saturday 23rd (EPICs Free RPG Day) that Fblthp was herded into the kitchen at EPIC and threw me back up after the staff described him having a panic attack from the number of people playing games and looking for him.
I had not fully recovered from the whole incident until today to write a blog post. I had to take many baths to wash away the digestive fluids of some sentient plushy that lacked proper internal organs and a digestive system.
I would like to say a huge thank you to the Benevolent Owners for allowing me to work remotely from the inside of Fblthp when I wasn’t fighting off ferocious fur-lacking dust bunnies or actively trying to sleep.
All I can say readers is I am glad to be back, in person, on-site.
Your Friend and Ally,
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