What the FBLTHP Happened to EPIC!?!

Citizens of Ipswich, Patrons, my friends. I cannot find the strength to tell you all. There’s been a travesty.

EPIC Ipswich was once again forced to make quick renovations after someone found Fblthp. Someone found Fblthp and instead of reporting his location to us – they did the unthinkable. THEY FED FBLTHP AFTER MIDNIGHT!

There is a reason that the store closes well before midnight every night, to prevent this from happening. It is with a heavy heart I inform you that someone fed him my car keys on the night of Saturday the 2nd of July.

Security captured this on camera moments after he had consumed my car keys!

We tried to detain him and catch him but he ran into the confectionary, where he consumed more! In trying to thwart him from entering a state of sugar rush the sweets stand was toppled and he fled into the retail space!

We removed every game and book we could, we cleared the entire section and still couldn’t catch him! Just when it seemed like we had him cornered after he had no more store products left to hide behind, he did the unthinkable… he ran straight into our walls!

We heard him scurrying in there like a rat in the wall and nearly managed to render him unconscious with the use of a hammer, only to lose him. We tore down that entire wall and he still wasn’t there!

It wasn’t until we tore down the adjacent wall that we found him there, sitting exhausted from his sugar crash. Essentially exhausted, the owners sat him in the middle of the wreck he had caused, like a dog forced to smell its own pee.

All well that ends well – or so I thought.

Whilst Fblthp helped clean up the destruction and mayhem he had caused, I recovered my keys (don’t ask how) and retreated to the comfort of my car….

Thank You to Everyone that helped us at EPIC Ipswich with our Weekend Renovations!

Your Friend and Ally,

Lachy

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