Skip to main content

THEY ARE BACK!


 THIS IS NOT A DRILL! THEY ARE BACK!

Ladies, gentlemen, guys, gals and my non-binary pals. The benevolent and almighty owners of EPIC Ipswich have returned. 

For those who hadn't visited the premises since last Wednesday, Trevor the Founding Father and Trish the Queen of Crafts, left EPIC Ipswich in the very reliable and most capable hands of their staff whilst they were out plotting... erm... I mean planning changes to the business in a conference down in Sydney. After the store nearly burnt down from a fryer being left on over the weekend and its panicked cover-up. The Benevolent and most gracious power couple of the store touched down Monday morning to say and I quote "Yup. That's a mighty fine store we have. Were the garbage bins emptied? Did someone eat my truffle? Did someone forget to feed the work experience people we have locked away in our office?".

After finding all the staff members answers acceptable, they finally let me out of the cardboard box they'd assumed I'd been working in for the past week. They played back the camera footage and found no visible evidence of the hammock I had set up there earlier in the week.

Then, as though they had never left, business returned to usual.

Although they mentioned some strange foreign words to me, an unknowable task they wanted me to undertake, involving google analytics, a performing Pepsi max and that noise clocks make.... ding dong? NO! Tik Tok, that's the one! I cannot understand that which the alien and unfathomable minds of the owners have conjured. My only prayer is that some elder god that is not affiliated with them in any way shape or their everchanging tentacled form will prevent them from banishing me back to my box in the corner which I now call home.

On the off chance that the benevolent owners are by chance reading this. I need to disclaim that this is an article - on a blog - and is a pure and deliberate work of fiction - it's funny - our readers will love it.

Do not send me back to my box

please

pretty please,

Lachy

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Fblthp has a new hospitality job?

  The Lost Adventures of Fblthp - entry 3 See previous entry here Fblthp has a new hospitality job? Lisa Cooke had finished her training and rushed off to her work at the local Hotel, she had only arrived when she went to grab her ID from her bag when she found a stowaway in her bag! Fblthp was busted, here is a photo Lisa sent me to report the out-of-control plushie. Now remember, I had thought Fblthp dead after I last saw him being carried away by a pelican, so to say I was surprised that he had gotten so incredibly lost and moreover harassing EPIC Ipswich's patrons, I did the only thing I could think. Like any homunculus who found himself without a job and indebted to someone or something (looking at you Azorious Senate), he was put to work. It began menial, helped Lisa and her lovely boss set up, placing cutlery and decorating tables. The menial task ran dry as both individuals realised a homunculus probably couldn't carry trays or walk around the floor when it was busy.  ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Phyrexia All Will Be One - A summary of Mechanics and Archetypes

  Once again I find myself in the position of watching everyone else have fun at Prerelease for the new set and this time I cannot put into words how disappointed I am to be unable to partake. Everyone who plays against me in MTG jokes that I'm "a Phyrexian Simp". To help you wrap your head around it and help with deck building for prerelease I have compiled the Mechanics and Archetypes into a single blog post you may scroll through to help. Mechanics Toxic Toxic is the new infect- applying Poison counters to an opponent when a creature with Toxic deals combat damage. The damage applied to an opponent’s life total is reduced with the combat damage and the number of Poison counters applied is determined by the number next to Toxic in that creature’s text box. Corrupted Corrupted is a new MTG mechanic in Phyrexia All Will Be One that adds value to Poison counters. Upon an opponent having 10 Poison counters, the game is ended. The Corrupted mechanic allows permanents to have...
Post a Comment
Read more

Yu-Gi-Oh! Fans at EPIC Ipswich: Discover the Lost Art Promotion Cards!

  Greetings, duelists! We at EPIC Ipswich are thrilled to bring you some fantastic news that’s sure to excite all Yu-Gi-Oh! enthusiasts. We have unearthed our stock of the exclusive Lost Art Promotion Cards for the Yu-Gi-Oh! Trading Card Game (TCG), and we can't wait to share them with you! What Are the Lost Art Promotion Cards? The Lost Art Promotion is a special series of cards released by Konami, featuring artwork that was previously unavailable in certain regions. These cards are highly sought after by collectors and players alike, offering unique illustrations that stand out in any collection. Each card in this series is not only visually stunning but also a valuable addition to any deck. How to Get Your Hands on These Exclusive Cards Starting today, we’re offering a special promotion: when you spend $30 or more on exclusively Yu-Gi-Oh! products at EPIC Ipswich, you’ll receive one of these rare Lost Art cards for FREE, while supplies last. This is a limited-time offer, so be...
Post a Comment
Read more