THIS IS NOT A DRILL! THEY ARE BACK!
Ladies, gentlemen, guys, gals and my non-binary pals. The benevolent and almighty owners of EPIC Ipswich have returned.
For those who hadn't visited the premises since last Wednesday, Trevor the Founding Father and Trish the Queen of Crafts, left EPIC Ipswich in the very reliable and most capable hands of their staff whilst they were out plotting... erm... I mean planning changes to the business in a conference down in Sydney. After the store nearly burnt down from a fryer being left on over the weekend and its panicked cover-up. The Benevolent and most gracious power couple of the store touched down Monday morning to say and I quote "Yup. That's a mighty fine store we have. Were the garbage bins emptied? Did someone eat my truffle? Did someone forget to feed the work experience people we have locked away in our office?".
After finding all the staff members answers acceptable, they finally let me out of the cardboard box they'd assumed I'd been working in for the past week. They played back the camera footage and found no visible evidence of the hammock I had set up there earlier in the week.
Then, as though they had never left, business returned to usual.
Although they mentioned some strange foreign words to me, an unknowable task they wanted me to undertake, involving google analytics, a performing Pepsi max and that noise clocks make.... ding dong? NO! Tik Tok, that's the one! I cannot understand that which the alien and unfathomable minds of the owners have conjured. My only prayer is that some elder god that is not affiliated with them in any way shape or their everchanging tentacled form will prevent them from banishing me back to my box in the corner which I now call home.
On the off chance that the benevolent owners are by chance reading this. I need to disclaim that this is an article - on a blog - and is a pure and deliberate work of fiction - it's funny - our readers will love it.
Do not send me back to my box
please
pretty please,
Lachy
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